Wondering how to talk to your kids about what happened
yesterday in Chardon? Personally, I wasn't going to say anything to my
1st grader specifically, but he mentioned that he had been told at school, so a
(short) conversation ensued.
Unfortunately, tragic events like the one that played
out yesterday happen all to frequently and its good to arm yourself with
knowldge about how best to discuss this issue with your kids. Check out
this article provided by Sunview's own Dr. Boyle about how to talk to
your kids about not only this tragic event, but also other violent events that
may occur.
Also, here is some guidance from Dr. Shelly
Senders, area pediatrician:
Within
minutes, the shooting at Chardon High School was broadcast on Twitter and
Facebook. We all saw the pictures of the alleged shooter and his
victims. We saw the pictures of the guns and read the note on
Wikipedia. And throughout the day, students and parents all over the
country but particularly here in the Greater Cleveland area, tried to make
sense of what can only be described as a senseless act.
There will be a lot of emotions spent over what exactly happened at
Chardon High School. We may not really know the truth for months or
years. So how do we use this tragedy as a springboard for learning more
about the causes of school violence and how do we prevent similar such
tragedies in the future? Part of the answer can be culled from looking at what
scientific research has uncovered about such incidents in the past. The
first, a book, is directed at what we as parents and loved ones, can do to
identify problems in our own children. The second, a scholarly article,
helps teachers and school administrators figure out when things are going
wrong. The data is not sensational, it is not emotionally driven but it
will give us a lot of insight about what we can really do to prevent school
massacres down the road.
In his book, Why Kids Kill (MacMillan, 2009), author Peter
Langman details the 10 lessons that can be learned from studying school
massacres over the past two decades.
1) There are limits to privacy - Parents of teenagers are usually very
respectful of their privacy. But if you discover bombs or disturbing
notes or links to The Anarchist's Cookbook in your child's room, privacy rules
no longer apply. Parents of angry children often don't know how far to go
to explore the depths of their child's rage. The answer is that professional
help should be sought for such children from us, your pediatricians or from
competent mental health authorities.
2) Don't lie to protect your child. Don't deny a family history of
mental illness if there is a strong history. Don't lie to authorities
about guns in the house or about the depth of your child's anger. And
don't let a potential family scandal color your view of your child's
activities.
3) Follow through with due process no matter who is involved. In many
previous massacres, the perpetrator was treated differently because his parents
were teachers or because he came from a family of privilege. It is
imperative for parents and school officials to follow the rules, no matter
whose child is involved.
4) If the school is concerned about your child, pay attention.
In the months before Columbine, Dylan Klebold wrote a story about a mass murder
that so disturbed the teacher that she called the family in to discuss the
story. Teachers read thousands of essays, many of which are very disturbing.
If they call you about something that is an outlier even for them, listen
carefully and take them seriously.
5) Eliminate easy access to guns. This is not a Bill of Rights
issue. It is plain and simple, a safety issue. If your child knows
how to get at a gun or a cache of guns, then you have just as well placed them
in his or her hands.
6) Assume threats are serious until proven otherwise. In 2007, Asa
Coon, a name known to all of us in Cleveland, threatened to come to school and
kill everyone. Many of his friends heard him. A few days later, he
came to school and went on a rampage. Empower your child to report
threats. We live in a world of social networking and kids are often on
the cutting edge of death threats. If they see bizarre things posted on
Facebook, Twitter or any other platform, empower them to tell a responsible
adult.
7) It just takes one person to stop a school shooting. There are many
examples of arms dealers, friends and even people who found a disturbing
notebook in a parking lot who were successfully able to prevent a
shooting. There is a beautiful Jewish story about why there was only one
person created first. The reason offered is that each person should view
him or herself as the person for whom the world was created. Each person has
the power to change the world by him or herself and the life and death of each
person is equivalent to the life and death of all of creation.
8) Recognize possible rehearsals of attacks. In some ways, this is
easier to notice today because of YouTube and Facebook. Everyone posts videos,
including potential mass murders. If you see lots of guns and lots of
shooting, tell someone in a position to do something about it and encourage
your children to do so as well.
9) Punishment is not prevention. In fact, suspension from school
often makes things worse for people already on shaky ground. Langman
details the story of Kip Kinkel who was suspended from school for carrying a
gun. Later that day, he killed his parents and the next day, he came back
to school and killed another 27 people. The point is not that suspension
is not an appropriate response. But suspension without monitoring or
treatment often makes things worse for kids who are in crisis.
10) There are limits to physical security. Often the response to a
shooting is to increase means of identification and install metal
detectors. In Columbine, there were cameras and in Red Lake, there were
cameras and metal detectors. Most school massacres are perpetrated by
students, not outsiders so ID badges are not helpful. And most are bent
on inflicting the greatest amount of harm so they will shoot guards and blow
out cameras. By the time a student is walking up the driveway, it is too
late.
So how about teachers and school administrators? What can they do to
prevent an attack? The answer is to know as much as possible about the
profiles of school homicides. An article in the Journal of the American
Medical Association in December, 2001, tells us what to look for. It
reviewed 220 events resulting in 253 deaths. 202 involved a single death
while 18 involved multiple deaths. Students accounted for 68% of the
deaths and the vast majority were homicides. 50% occurred while official
school activities were in progress with 17.8% occurring near the start of
school, 17.8% during lunchtime and 21.3% occurring near the end of the school
day. Over half were preceded by some action that indicated potential for
such an event (like a suicide note, a video posting or a poem). Homicide
perpetrators were nearly 7 times more likely to have expressed suicidal
thoughts, 3 times more likely to have had a history of criminal charges, 3
times more likely to have been a gang member, twice as likely to have
associated with high-risk peers, or been considered a loner and twice as likely
to have used alcohol or drugs on a weekly basis. Finally, homicide
perpetrators were twice as likely to have been bullied by peers, more likely to
have been reported to the principal's office for disobeying an authority figure
and less likely to have participated in extracurricular affairs.
The study revealed a number of findings that should guide violence
prevention activities in the future.
1) Since most events occurred during transitions, it is essential to reduce
crowding, increase supervision and have protocols for handling disputes that
occur during such transition times (school entry or close and lunchtime).
2) Since over half were preceded by a note, threat or journal entry, it is
important to empower students to report such threats and to encourage school
officials to take such threats seriously.
3) Since suicidal thinking is so common amongst perpetrators and suicidal
thinking may be occurring in up to 20% of all high school students, it is
important to focus on risk factors for suicidal behavior in our schools.
4) Finally, since so many perpetrators have been described as having been
bullied by their peers, it is important to develop programs that sensitize
teachers to recognize and respond to bullying incidents between students.
Finally, here is a site recommended by Dr. Boyle with links
to many good resources on this topic.
